i walked today where i walked years ago...
at roughly 4:33p.m., i walked around the building that holds so much significance and meaning to me_
for the first time in eight months, i saw her...
i didn't plan to_nor did i expect it_ yet, there i was, watching her sing and laugh_
has she not been dead to me all this time?
after the worst sunday to date, i lost control of my anger and as a yellow sun illuminated my sight while driving for an hour and a half, i ended up at an empty church building full of memories, both good and bad_
did my anger drive me there? i walked back and forth through the many familiar places when i felt the heaviness of my own melancholy being lifted from me_ unprepared and somewhat unstable, i remained there until the service began_
apparently, the building is now used to host kids' services_ once the yellow sun set, giving rise to a pale, yellow moon, i made my way back into the sanctuary i knew so well_
my presence there seemed dreamlike, where no one became surprised at my arrival_ not that i expected them to, but it did help me reach a level tranquility....
to have once again stood in the basking sunlight where i once stood in the darkness of night and humidity of rain for a single glimpse of her...
i was reminded of that night, where moments before the rain fell, the atmosphere was dark & the air so thick and heavy, and all i felt then was a silent eerie tension all around me that was suddenly released when the first of drops fell_
it is certainly easier to love a memory than a person....